Scared

Hi everyone,

Tonight I stayed at work until 1:30am because 1. there is just way too much to get done and not enough time and two I thought that if I leave then the chemotherapy will be happening sooner than later. Crazy logic I know.  If I stayed there longer then the longer it would take for me to have to go through my first treatment.  I got in my car and remembered I needed to get the dry ice for my chemo caps and everywhere I went they didn’t have anything.  Then I dropped at Carl’s JR to get some nasty food and take some more time. Once I got the food and sat in my car it was time for me to drive home and get in my bed and fall asleep.  If I fall asleep then ill wake up and have to get my first Lupron shot and my first Chemo injection with my chemo caps.  I’m scared.  I’m scared of something I have never faced before but have only heard stories about this monster.  I don’t have the personal experience to say whether this is going to be fine or if this is going to be agonizing for the next 4 months.  I will be a product of tons of medications for the next 4 months and I won’t be myself.  I must apologize ahead of time and tonight is the night that I officially check out as my true self.  For the next 4 months I’ll be some sort of calm monster and a product of 15-20 different drugs.

Oh man I’m not looking forward to this.

Sleep well my family and friends.

Love Carina

PS I forgot to post this two nights ago but I started chemo yesterday.  Ill show pictures and write more tomorrow.  Good night everyone.