The Break Down

Hi Everyone,
Okay here is the break down.  On January 18th 2012 I was diagnosed with stage 1, grade 9, triple-negative breast cancer.  The doctor tells me "a triple negative breast cancer diagnosis means that the offending tumor is estrogen receptor-negative, progesterone receptor-negative and HER2-negative, thus giving rise to the name triple negative breast cancer. On a positive note, this type of breast cancer is typically responsive to chemotherapy."  I start chemo at the beginning of March.

Here is how it all started.  One day I was adjusting myself in my bra, as women do all the time because bras get uncomfortable, and felt a lump about the size of a grape.  I thought to myself it was weird but not solid and hard like they teach you in grade school so I thought nothing of it.  Later that week it didn’t go down so I asked my mom to feel it and see what she thought.  She said sometimes when your hormones are not normal it can cause swelling and lumps but she asked me to get it checked out anyway.  I made an appointment to see my doctor in Malibu on a Friday but on that day 2 hrs before my appointment i called to confirm my time and they told me they no longer take my insurance anymore and I would have to pay $350 to get checked.  I cancelled my appointment and was going to wait for it to go down because I was sure it was nothing. Besides I had just been to the doctor 4 months before that where the doctor felt nothing.  Sunday rolled around and it had gone down a little so I wasn’t rushing anything but my mom begged me to go just for peace of mind so I went to Malibu urgent care January 15th.  Dr. Jill Ferguson seemed sure it was something that needed to be checked asap and sent me to LSG Imaging the next day for my first mammogram. 

I saw Dr. Ross Goldberg Monday January 16th.  The right breast didn’t hurt when clamped it but the left one was so painful.  The nurse said that was a good that usually tumors don’t hurt so pain meant just a lump from hormones.  She left me in the room while she showed Dr. Goldberg then came back and they rushed me into the operating room where they did the biopsy.  I laid back on the table while they stuck me 3 times with the numbing medicine and stuck a long thick biopsy needle in my breast to get three samples. To extract the tissue it sounded like a stable gun so I turned my head and tried not to watch. It was very painful and made me cry (not normal for me) but it was necessary. I wish I could forget that.  Dr. Marjorie Fine from Saint Johns hospital was notified about my tumor finding and waited at her office to talk to me asap about removal and what steps to take if it was malignant or benign. (I Love her) She was off when they called and she waited for me out of the goodness of her heart.  Amazingly she calmed my nerves and that is when I surrendered all worries and fears.  I can’t explain how important having a connection with your doctor makes all the difference.  2 days later I got the call that I have BC so I went home to be with my family and figure out what to do next.  I made an appointment the next day to see what’s next on the list of tests and how to fight this.  I was rushed from one appointment to the next surgeon to oncologist to MRI testing etc. that I couldn’t get any rest to digest what I was told a few days before.  My oncologist at Saint John’s Dr. Sean Fischer told me that I will need chemo for 4 months where I will lose my hair and become very weak and possibly very sick but it effects everyone differently so I’ll play it by ear once chemo starts. I have been prescribed the ACT chemotherapy to fight my cancer. He informed me that chemo attacks weak cells and fast growing or multiplying cells and that is why the hair follicle is attacked which causes the hair loss.  Also my eggs are attacked which has a 50% chance to cause early menopause which would cause me to become infertile.  I have the option to take a pill through chemo called Lupron that will cause my ovaries to become dormant and not produce eggs until the chemo stops and/or to get fertility shots then extract and harvest my eggs just in case the Lupron doesn’t work.  Lupron forces my body into early menopause until I stop taking the pill. I have chosen to do both because I know I want kids.  Insurance doesn’t cover this but the LiveStrong organization has created a resource for cancer patients called Fertile HOPE where they cover $5,000 for medicine and extraction. 

The day of the surgery my mom, dad and Lori (Dads girlfriend) all came to support me at the hospital which made me feel great :-).  Later my aunt Nancy came to support me and the family which was very loving and made me feel supported.  First we signed all the paper work which also included my power of attorney packet just in case I die or become a vegetable during surgery. That was weird.  My parents were very nervous but acted like they weren’t.  While the nurse prepped me my parents stood at the foot of my bed which made me nervous so i asked them to sit.  All I could think about was how I could ease this process for them because I knew this was the hardest thing to go through for them.  I could feel it.  After the IV they took me downstairs for the wire placements and mammogram to make sure the guide wires where in the right place.  THANK GOD my parents were not in the room because there was a hematoma or sack of blood in my breast from the biopsy so when they put the guide wires in my breast and started the mammogram the blood squirted out then drained all over my body and on the floor.  It even got on my back which I’m not sure how that happened.  My gown was all wet. My parents would have passed out if they saw me.  I looked like Carrie White from the movie "Carrie" minus the bloody hair and face :-) The nurse knew how worried my folks were so she cleaned me up so fast.  My mom came in the room 2 seconds after the nurse was done.  Perfect timing.  I was in surgery from 1 until dark but prepping started at 9am.  My mom felt better being next to me in the prep room but once I had to go into surgery she went into the waiting room and cried the whole time.  When I woke up it was dark outside and I felt fine.  They let me sleep for 2 1/2 hours before I left to make sure I was okay.   My dad slept over at my house on the couch just in case I needed anything. The pills were amazing but they only lasted for a few hours so after I fell asleep I woke up in a lot of pain and couldn’t move. I cried again until the meds kicked in but I had to take an Ambien to knock me out.  For the next few days I couldn’t move my arms or lift anything and I also got this groovy bullet proof looking bra stained with blood to wear for over a week until I saw the doctor again to go over my surgery results.  From the date of diagnoses to the surgery recovering days I have gotten so much love and support that it has lifted me and my families spirits through the whole process. I am blessed.

The next doctor visit was a week after surgery and both my parents were there.  After a diagnosis like this you are asked to bring someone with you because you are in shock and need another ear for the stuff you miss (which is a lot because your brain is mush).  Dr. Fine told me that they removed 6 lymph nodes which all came back negative for cancer which means the cancer didnt get a chance to spread since we caught it so fast.  She also told me that the cancer was 1.8cm and the surrounding area had a "high nuclear grade, (which we knew already) with a widespread extension into lobules, extending over 5.4cm (about 2.1 inches) and close to the posterior inked specimen edge."  This means the cancer was so fast growing that the area around it was irregular which needed to be removed as well.  Since the cancer grew so fast she recommended a full mastectomy (full breast removal and reconstruction) and a brca gene test to see my genetic cancer risk and if it’s possible for me to pass this gene to my children.  I have chosen to schedule my mastectomy for a month after my last chemo treatment in about 6 months.  Removing all the tissue will result in no radiation which I've been told burns and scars.  Before this all happened I was self-conscious about my breasts and always was wanted them to look better maybe get them surgically enhanced.  After all of the tests and needles/surgery I see them differently.  Ladies love your breasts no matter what they look like because they are a part of you.  Now that I will be losing mine it breaks my heart to say good bye to a part of ME.  Embrace your body and cherish it because it’s all you got.  Take care of yourself and always remember life is a gift. 
I am doing everything in my power to get better but I know it’s going to be tough.  I will come out of this a better person and will have grown a lot. It’s overwhelming though so sometimes I can’t respond to everyone or call all the time.  I love all of the support.  Thank you everyone for being there for me.  I’m writing this blog to keep my concerned friends and family updated.  Keep in mind I have never blogged a day in my life so forgive me.  Ill post photos of myself through this so you all can see what this does to my body.
Monday I start injections for harvesting.  It all started January 18th and from then on life will never be the same.  I WILL FIGHT THIS AND I WILL SURVIVE!
With love,
Carina